Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
