all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
