Ambien. No doubt about it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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