p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
