Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
3pm strippers are depressing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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