She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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