how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He did a backflip because drugs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
