Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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