What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
