have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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