Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i drank out of a bidet.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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