Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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