what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
