i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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