I want to make a zoo with you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
