My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
