Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Help. Why am I so naked?
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