Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
