I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
