yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
