Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
