I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
