so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
