The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
