i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
