Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
