It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
