I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
