I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
