I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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