I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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