Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
