She said her name was "party"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
