that's an acceptable place to lick
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
