I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
