Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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