Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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