I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
we're so committed to being not committed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
