hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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