Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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