I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
