It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
