Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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