I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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