mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
