Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
