Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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