i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
