thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
