I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
